Archive for December, 2008

Back Seat

Surprised, angry, lost, sudden, reasons, questions, emptiness, values, priorities, meanings, direction, etc. etc. Words stream through to fill in the fluctuating feelings. Acceptance of the circumstances is a no brainer, but to fully believe that you are can be tricky, difficultly tricky.

October this year, I became a part of the statistic in this current economic freak out. As much as I understand why, in all levels of the structures, it still startled me a bit. I couldn’t help counting it as lucky, I have to. For nothing else is to not punish myself further in the inside while taking hits after hits from the outside. I need to look at the overall meaning of what this point could mean for my overall life, of how crucial my next action will define me.

For weeks after weeks, things continue to crumble and deteriorate around me. The hard time is chipping away any senses of foundations. I find myself noticing a lot of paused time. So I decide to explore the bitter ingredients that are stewing up this large dish of uncertainty. I move now at a different pace, a lot of it on foot, walking, looking, taking in the world that was always there but wasn’t getting noticed.

So I look forward, backward, now, and all around, to see if I can portray this sentiment into photographs. This is the first series of my interpretation. In the meanwhile, I’ll continue to watch, receive, and learn. 
 

Outside

Tunnel Mirror

Train Station

Train Station Stop

Airplane over the Forum

Guard Dog

Wood Shop

Waiting Area

Reflection

Sidewalk

Sidewalk

Door

Distant Moon

Gate

Puppets on strings

Taco Stand

Kid A – Jaden Rochanayon

A few days after the twins were born, I got a chance to meet them. I was told that premies are normal for twins. The pair were born about a month early… Jaden and Aiden. 

The father, Ked and I are first cousins. I often tell people that we are more like siblings, almost twin-like in the way we were brought up. We both were relocated from the US at a toddler age to be raised by our grandparents in a small town of Bangmulnak, Pichit province, Thailand. Ked is 6 weeks older. We both together then got pushed off into all the same classrooms from kindergarten on to 6th grade. We would get drafted for many annual school dance performances. The 2 of us made a 3 person school ‘band’, consisted of 3 kids playing daily morning national anthem over a microphone on our sassy melodicas….  in front of a captive audience of a few hundred kids. Gone were the day of us being in the spotlight.

Ked is probably one of the main sources of how I became who I am for my reaction to him. He is what I am not; reserved, focused, punctual, peaceful, kind, and later disciplined, hard working, (positively) religious, (slightly) nationalistic, etc. For sure, growing up with him made me eat a LOT more fruits and vegetables because he was a picky eater since very young. I guess that could have initiated me to be more adventurous in general, setting out to take on the world on his behalf, or in compensation of. Curiously, however, his memory of our childhood is exactly the other side of the same coin.

Actually, his nostalgia recently became a point of my fascination in a case of objective comparison regarding cross cultural immigration. He was plugged out from where he was in Thailand at the age of 14, sent to Los Angeles for better chance of education/survival skills. That was a year before it was my turn to get a new similar path handed to me. He persevered through a series of difficult situation, and now is settled in his life he carved for himself, happily married with a stable job in his desired field. Comparing my feeling with him over what Thailand is or isn’t, I keep in mind always of the significant point of transition. The teenage ideals and impressions were kept to help us move forward as we struggled to redefine our identities. In my view, he turned out a little bit (Thai) conservative and nationalistic. His romanticism highlights the greatest part about being Thai, and his childhood that made him so. He holds high a lot of values our family believes in, the Buddhism guided social harmony, honesty, modesty, and humbleness.

I, on the other hand, somehow turned out non religious with heavy mistrust of any social and political systems on BOTH cultures. I sense that the gender difference is also a significant issue. I don’t know where I picked up the cynicism streak from, seeing no trace of that in Ked. All that is still unexplored entirely.

Speaking of the unshakable cynicism streak… Oh yes, babies … How can one be a cynic around babies? I’m not really, but I can’t help to wonder why are babies so off-limits in rational discussions. I mean, rationally, the world has way tooooooo many humans living on earth, lots of babies are still being born at a faster and faster rate, taking up spaces and resources. I truly believe that a lot of frictions, warfare, social, and international issues stem from the fact that there are TOO MANY humans in relation to the resources to support the species’ sustainability. Rationally…. people should look into population control, making it an individual responsibility to care for the bigger issue, the world, which has the full implication of its relation to the quality of life 

The opposite from rational is the emotional context of being humans. There is really no need nor a perfect way to explain LOVE, the ultimate of all emotions. Love’s one of those things no one has pinned down yet. Same as consciousness or time. It gives everyone a chance to learn, grow, experiment, regret, and forgive, a coming together as a collective entity. It is the irrational drive that help us maneuver around different stages of our lives. And babies… babies are a physical manifestation of love, or that connectivity. In a way, a rational mind can’t really deny that.

As I visited the helpless little beings struggling to survive, but not without medical aide, I can’t help but notice how fragile they are. Years and years from now, these little beings will grow, and learn, and form thoughts and opinions on their own. All the transfer of Ked’s whole life’s worth of stories, feelings, impressions, world view will influence them. I personally have my own agenda, by sheer proximity, to infuse them with cultural awareness along with art appreciation, and maybe some Muay Thai if I can steal them from time to time. Yes, I’m excited to see what these blank slates will turn into.

Ked and Jaden

Jaden

Jaden

Jaden open eyes

Nurse says new borns can see black objects. My camera is very black.

to the right, an x-ray monitor

Kid B - Aiden designation

Doctor advising procedural options for nourishment at Aiden's stage

Ked and Aiden

Aiden is taken care of by a nurse

Ked signing a consent release for a routine but optional procedure

Aiden

Ked looks at Aiden

Aiden

 

Watt hauling gear

 
The last gig of the year, as it was billed by Mike Watt, I had the duty to show up. It turned out to be a weird reunion of many musical strides, running of the same circle. I went along with Nels Cline, and through him I met/remet many faces I’d seen over the past couple of years. It was a little socially overwhelming to be in a place where a good amount of people know each other. It was almost like a community, an actual live, living community, flesh..blood, and faces. Yes, I sound a little tripped out, because I did. One of things characterizing LA is how spread out, hard to organize it is. I can only think of one month out of the year where this is possible. Specifically the last week of the year – seems to be the most willing of all occasions for people to actually come out of their comfortable hiding places and secure the connections after the family obligations were over with. It is as if christmas time put a huge pressure for people to be with families, and because of it, the slight revolt in people needing to verify their own choice of their own free willed connections, the other identity. 

All in all it was a weirdly exhilarating evening.

Jessica Catron and Jeremy Drake

Watt talks to audience

Pete Mazich of Secondmen

yet another instigation for people to 'start your own band'

Watt's post gig socializing

Ingo Harzheim, Las Vegas NV

A snapshot of a crucial moment : Sweats breaking down my temples, sitting next to a traveling German…. at a Thai restaurant in Los Angeles – my turf within my turf – we were. After a diligent assessment into how hot they should make the food for him, I ended up with a spice burn when he felt NOTHING. I couldn’t believe all the words of explanation mislead me of how insanely much hotter he prefers his food than I do. • I failed twice in one shot.• This was the evening before he departed for Mexico.

I met up with Ingo Harzheim in Las Vegas. It was unbelievable how fast we befriended. Talking with him was easy and in short time I found so much in common. One main difference – his obsession over Cirque du Soleil which I found adorable…. up to a certain point. I’m still on the fence over his having Cirque du Soleil’s music in his itune collection… The day we met was my birthday, so he treated me to a “Mystere” show, ended up with quite an experience watching the massive live entertainment production, not to mention the unbelievable super human strengths and their acrobatic skills.

The one activity that was quite uniquely memorable was actually the one I can only enjoy thinking about after the fact. We rode out on the motorcycle towards the Red Rocks, few miles outside of Las Vegas. It sounds awesome now, but then, I believed my hands and face were going to fall off (I’m sure his were, too). I don’t know how cold it was, maybe in the low 40s. It was the week after they got their “biggest snow storm since 1979″. So, yes, it was still – way cold. 

Overall, hanging around in Las Vegas usually depresses me with all the bells, jingles, whistles, and crap jumbotrons. All that seemed secondary when taking a long walk on the strip with a good company. 

I invited him back to Los Angeles for a few days to get over the christmas time. He also fast befriended my shy cat … however inadvertently, by having beef jerky or yogurt in his possession. Amongst other things, Ingo prefers a perfect cup of cappuccino (setting off a daily adventure in itself), and all his food to be ‘real’ (high suspicion of the ‘health’ trend). He’s an avid jogger, rock climber, hiker, an all around outdoors person, who happens to have a profession doing something software/computer related. 

Every person that comes into your life and ended up reflecting the meaning of it is the greatest gift I cherish. It wasn’t the case that I was lost, but in one of our many many long conversations, Ingo said something that struck me deeply. It was quite a simple statement said in passing, but it pointed me to my new appreciation, then a sense of urgency for completing my project – THIS BLOG. (It may seem like just another blog on the web, but I hope it will prove other wise.) Just several days after he departed, having left behind a significant impression, I finished hand processing the 100 rolls of film sitting around for the past year. What I learned from talking to him is that what I’ve seen and what I’ve done is something worthwhile. For nothing else is the passion I put into it, the intrinsic value of having something I own, that I created, and produced. 

Truly – truly appreciated the chance to meet him. I think it definitely changed a pace of my life in an important part I didn’t know I needed to change.
 

Ingo with cappuccino

Ingo

iphone endorsement

at Rockreation

during a conversation

dinner

drive

Mychelle and Anita

It’s actually not that usual for me to photograph our group – my favorite people of all – the F girls or the Aggro girls, or any number of names we are called. This is because I would be too busy laughing my head off. There’s Ninja, Samurai,  .. the German Farm Girl (still mulling over the most suitable nickname for her giggly deadly jabs), and I’m called Ong Bak (the Thai Warrior from the boonies of Thailand.)

F is for Fight, mainly, but probably other words too, depend on our activities of choice. We met at Krav Maga. In the course of a short 2008 year, we became a tight pack that infuse each others’ lives with each of our contrasting positive attributes. Over our bond of fight commitment and disciplines, we see to it that each of us grow into our best potential. Phebbie (Ninja), takes the arts of pain tolerance, precise striking, and perfect reflects into her career pursuit in the field of media. Mychelle (Samurai) overlook fears and intimidations and incorporate working hard while having fun in her field of production. (German Farm Girl) Anita’s recognizing her natural strengths and quick grasps (and execution) for techniques in preparation for… hmmmm.. her work with the kindergardeners.

This little gathering was billed ahead as a little hang. It wasn’t made into what it actually was until we all were there. A combination of holidays, new year, and my birthday celebrations – would have been too extravagant sounding to plan ahead. Instead Phebbie just called for a ‘stop by to pick up a present’. A couple bottles of wines later, we were giving headlocks and having cupcakes until the night was concluded.

Even for my cynic view over the ‘excuse for a season’s greetings’, I can’t help but put this group as ‘worth it’. Worth it for putting the silly christmas light necklaces and exchange gifts (well, I don’t do xmas gifts, so I only selfishly took). This is because these girls are above average exceptional personally and generally.

We’re looking forward to converge in New Orleans next summer at a music festival, and all other future events.
 

Anita "The Jury" Martin

Mychelle "Samurai" Flynt

Phebbie "Ninja" Pasquera

Phebbie doing the Ninja dance

Mychelle and Anita laughed at and with Phebbie

digital summary of the evening

Charlie’s left hand

By the time this date came around, I felt bad to nearly forgotten about Charlie Hunter trio playing in town at the Mint. By now it’s about bi-annual event that Charlie would bring his group through, once in the summer and once in the winter. I first heard about the show from Charlie’s previous trio member John Ellis a few months back. I wanted to know when John will bring his Double Wide quartet to Los Angeles. He mentioned the possibility that he might open for Charlie. I assumed this was going to happen. Then the devil of the details got in the way. I’d just have to settle with only Charlie’s trio.

Settling isn’t an accurate term here, really. Charlie’s current trio with Erik Deutsch on organ and Tony Mason on drums certainly is a lot of music intensity. I convinced my friends Ravi Carman and Matt Cook, the Highland Parks musical residents to go with me to the first show on Friday night. It’s interesting to hear musicians’ take on Charlie. They both had never seen him before. Matt mentioned that he refused to follow Charlie’s technicality and focus only on hearing the music. I felt that I occasionally have to do that as well. It’s been said by many… that “Charlie is a freak”.

Offstage, I hardly see Charlie exhibits any hints of anything freak-like. He often dubs himself as a “boring suburban dad”, suggesting in the subtext that my ‘inner city life’ is the more exciting? Or at least in the drama-filled sense? Talking about the mundanity of life and immediate reflections of current events is the safest for me to do around him, I think. If anything is freaky about him is his incredible wealth of music knowledge tops with how well well read he is. Ended up it seems, much like his music, I’d stick with simpler conversations instead of slip off into the depth of his thoughts. Yes, I’m a little fearful, but not because of him, but for myself to free fall into something I have no grasp on.

Catching his shows and catching up with the latest gossips becomes mandatory for me. It’s nice to know some heroes to be inspired by.
 

Charlie

Tony

Erik

Charlie

Charlie

Tony

Charlie Hunter Trio at the Mint

Erik

Tony

Charlie with friend

Watt on 180th twfps   

Find the show here. 

Tony laughing

Tony Kinman's wife and my friend Morgan Moore in background

Watt

Watt

Yet another girl that can punch me silly sparring, Paula Moore. She’s another one of my favorite friends I happened to meet from Krav Maga. The past 2 years of my knowing her has only amaze me more over time of what she can and has done. Her incredible track record in the music business as an A&R executive is more than impressive. On a personal level, she’s incredibly supportive and giving. Her cooking is also outrageous. Amazing.